Apology

“Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
    and clever in their own sight […..]

for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty
    and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 5:21 & 24b

This verse is me (Channon).  I have been gifted in many ways.  I am intelligent, capable, hard -working, passionate.  But instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to work through the gifts He gave me, I have made myself and my abilities into my god.  This has been true at many times throughout my life but especially over the last 3 years. 

 

“Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you
    when you say to yourself,
  ‘I am, and there is none besides me.’” Isaiah 47:10b

Even though these words were spoken to the ancient leaders of Babylon, they describe my heart attitude perfectly.  I have taken everything that God has given me and made it about myself instead of about Him.  How much work I can accomplish, how important my role is, how invaluable I am and how worthless everyone else is.  How amazingly competent I am and how miserably inadequate everyone else is.  And that is a big problem. 

 

“Who is it you have ridiculed and blasphemed?
    Against whom have you raised your voice
and lifted your eyes in pride?
    Against the Holy One of Israel!” Isaiah 37:23

The past few months, God has been teaching me this incredibly difficult lesson.  It is disheartening to hear from your Heavenly Father what an immense mistake you have made, and even worse to own up to your behavior, accept it for what it is and begin the painful process of allowing the Creator to make you into something new.It took a great tragedy, a tremendous upheaval to get my attention because I am outrageously stubborn.

“For I knew how stubborn you were;
    your neck muscles were iron,
  your forehead was bronze.” Isaiah 48:4

 But now, God is lovingly teaching me that His only goal is to bring glory to Himself.

“I am the Lord your God,
    who teaches you what is best for you,
  who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17b

His plan from the beginning of all time has been to glorify Himself by drawing people to Him.  Everything that He does or allows Satan to do is part of this process of drawing people to Himself to bring Himself glory. I, on the other hand, have been focused on bringing glory to myself by doing work and focusing on my plan, my ministry and refusing to believe that any other plan will succeed.

“[…]I am God, and there is no other;
    I am God, and there is none like me.[…]
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
    and I will do all that I please. [….]
What I have said, that I will bring about;
    what I have planned, that I will do.” Isaiah 46:9 - 11

God’s plan is for me to do good deeds (work, ministry) to show love to people so that they will be drawn to Christ and all of us will, in turn, glorify God. It’s a difficult lesson to learn, a soul cleansing daily transformation, a re-birth.

[The Lord says] “See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
    I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
    How can I let myself be defamed?
  I will not yield my glory to another.” Isaiah 48:10-11

He has also shown me that I can go no further until I apologize to those who have been affected by the ungodly behavior I demonstrated during the past few years. There are a few of you that I will need to contact personally, but I honestly don’t know how many people were influenced by the way I acted, how many people I drove away from my Savior because I was more concerned about my work and my plan than I was about His.

“All this also comes from the Lord Almighty,
    whose plan is wonderful,
  whose wisdom is magnificent.” Isaiah 28:29

Many times, I ranted openly so I felt spurred toward a public apology.  It also gives me a certain accountability to you so that you can help me stay focused in this new identity.  This new creature who wants to love people and wants God to receive their praise rather than me. This is not an easy step to take, but my Father assures me that it will bring glory to Him and that, my friends, is the point. 

 

“So people will be brought low
    and everyone humbled,
    the eyes of the arrogant humbled.
But the Lord Almighty will be exalted by his justice,
    and the holy God will be proved holy by his righteous acts.” Isaiah 5:15 - 16