Direction

Joe finally felt the freedom to send in resumes for teaching positions in the middle of May.  This isn’t the most ideal time to look for teaching jobs, but it isn’t too late for opportunities, either.  He began sending in applications with great hope and expectation, knowing that God has something good for us.  After all, that’s what He promises us in His Word.

After weeks of sending applications with no response, we were discouraged to say the least, and all the lies we’ve been fighting for months began attacking with a vengeance.  You are worthless.  You are unwanted.  You are useless.  You are unqualified.  And many, many more.  The depression, anxiety, discouragement was palpable.

Then one day, Joe called an HR person to ask about the details of a job.  She encouraged him to send in his application, so he did, that very afternoon.  The next day, she asked him to come for an interview.  This was a little kiss from heaven!  We all packed up in the car, took a long drive, full of expectation and hope like we hadn’t had in half a year.

Joe had a good interview, but when he told me that we would know something about the job in 2 – 3 weeks, I was crestfallen.  That was not the answer we had expected, not with the level of interest we felt the HR person had shown. Now our heavenly kiss had become another slap.  We had already been thinking about places to live and buying a car and the advantages of buying or borrowing furniture.  So we shuffled back in the car and headed back to Mom’s house, quite disappointed.

This time period in our life has been the greatest faith journey we have ever experienced.  We were lauded by many about our great faith when we moved to Vienna, and yet, I think about how easy that was compared to this.  We knew where we were going, we knew what we needed to do to get there, and we trusted that because God called us, we would go.  He would provide all we needed.

Have we lost that trust or faith? No.  But for two planners, two doers, two people with purpose, sitting and doing nothing is the greatest faith test ever.

We get up each day, we study the Word, we school our kids…..and then there is nothing.  You can only do so much when you live in someone else’s home, drive someone else’s car and have no foreseeable income.  It doesn’t take long to get discouraged, frustrated, angry, hopeless.

We have no plans, nowhere to start, nothing to do.  Our only hope is to trust that the Shepherd knows what He is doing, sitting here in this dark valley, waiting.

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Psalm 27:13-14.