“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things* will be given to you as
well.”
Matthew 6:33
As soon as I completed my Master’s degree in May, I began
vigorously applying for jobs. I was
excited about beginning a new career and a new chapter in my life.
As the months passed, scores of rejections began to pile up
and a couple of hopeful interviews resulted in no employment. I continued to apply for positions at an even
more frantic rate because money is tight, and my student loan repayment date
loomed closer and closer.
By the end of August, with no change in site, in an utterly
frustrated and hopeless state, I confronted my heavenly Father about His lack
of provision. He responded to my spirit,
“Channon, you are thinking too much about these
things.”
My focus had shifted from starting a new life chapter to
wanting the ability to provide more for my family: a different place to live,
more travel opportunities, less debt. In my frustration, I had completely
negated God’s providence. For when have we
gone without food or clothes or drink or shelter or transportation or gasoline
or relationships or medical care? Never. And often, God provides our wants, as well,
through His generosity.
My spoiled rotten princess fit wasn’t about a lack of
providence, but about the lack of control I had over my current life situation. I had created a plan for complete financial
security which hinged on a certain income.
The longer I went without a paycheck, the less relevant my financial
plan became. I had also mapped out my
career growth and the next step in my education which would lay the foundation
for our return to Europe. Without career experience, we would never get back to
Europe, and that has been my plan all along.
My level of frustration, anger, and worthlessness continued to climb the
longer I went without employment.
But, Jesus wants me to be concerned about His kingdom and
His righteousness rather than these
things. He knows what we need; He’ll
take care of it. So, I should be asking God
to show me the Kingdom work He has planned for me to do. There’s plenty of opportunity in my home and
my church and in the daily interactions I have with people. And I have started to apply for jobs with
purpose, jobs that stir and excite my spirit when I read the job description.
I don’t know what plan God is forging for me and my family,
but it obviously has little to do with my own ambitious devices. So I am focusing on Kingdom work while I wait
for His plan to unfold. And I am trusting
that the day my student loan payment is due, we’ll be able to pay it because of
the miraculous providence of God.
*Jesus clearly states
that these things are food and
drink, your life, and clothes (vs. 25 – 31). Jesus says He knows what we need
in verse 32.
